I would like to say I have had writer’s block for the past few years. That would be a highly unusual Guinness record, but a good excuse to explain my lapse from Substack.
I’ve been behind the scenes helping with Tim’s amazing articles but had to ghost you all for way too long. If you’ve been listening/watching the podcast then you might know what I have been struggling with. My life turned upside down and rendered me an invalid, recluse, and living with a health nightmare.
Recently, as I’m coming out of the darkness and depths of drowning akin to a hellish waterslide tunnel ride, and into hope, light, and living again, I need to act on a “fleece” I threw out to God in the depth of my crisis. Perhaps in sharing my story it will help someone else lost, confused, and tormented by similar symptoms.
If my experiences with the myriad of tests, confused doctors, and medical “misunderstanding” of the post-Covid sequelae that exists helps someone like me (too stoic for their own good) and thinks they need to “tough it out” while seeking answers, then I’ve regained purpose and the shit that I lived through will be worth it.
What Was Really Happening?
What is she talking about? (If you’ve gotten this far)…
I love dangling a carrot and wish I was an author of mystery novels, haha! However, let me cut to the final scene and spill it.
For over 3 years I was suffering from Spikelopathy or Long Vax/Covid Syndrome without knowing it.
Ya, I know the first thing you want to ask is: How could a doctor living with another medical doctor who worked in Covid clinics, treated Covid patients and patients with complications and sequelae from Covid NOT KNOW it?
How could we host a podcast specifically born out of the pandemic and ask all the questions to our expert guests, discuss complications of the jab, the risks and complications of the infection and long-term health complications, and NOT know I was affected?
All I can say is when you are living it, your lenses are clouded.
Most of the discussion and focus on Long Covid has been with cardiac and respiratory symptoms and exertional fatigue that render people very exercise intolerant, all the way to bedbound. We have been so focused on these people that it took awhile for others in the healthcare and alternative medicine to nutrition and holistic world to notice an uptick in a previously uncommon condition called MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome) along its correlation to the pandemic both through infections or jab history.
Missing the Spiral
We have been through this before, Tim and I… missing my slow downward spiral into severe postpartum depression after our first baby was born.
It wasn’t until 6 months into my decline when I attempted to run away from home in the middle of the night that the lightbulb switched on (well Tim at least saw the light)!
My feeble attempt was foiled. No gas in the car’s gas tank, no gas stations open in the rural town we lived in (it had 3 stop lights and two gas stations), and oh ya, I left my wallet at home anyway, so how could I even head to the next town in my attempt to escape my unbearable reality?
I limped home in defeat, and no one noticed my absence. It WAS the middle of the night after all, and my psychotic self took offense to Tim’s insensitivity in his state of slumber.
Consistent with a warped state of mind, I proceeded to become uncorked and loudly “vocalize my displeasure” with his inability to notice my absence and proceeded to have a complete meltdown. Yep, that got his attention quick… and promptly a trip to my physician for help.
We laugh at my escapades now, but this is a serious and often missed medical problem. And dare I say it’s sadly the same for what’s happening now to thousands, if not hundreds of thousands or more of us with autoimmune issues and bizarre new health issues.
As Covid RNA replicates, antibody titres continue to rise and the Spike unknowingly impacts SO MANY of our health at the cellular and systemic level.
The Stoic Personality Trap
For many like me, we are stoic and used to toughing it out.
Hey, I’ve hiked through a third-world jungle being bitten by falling leeches in the dark, thinking God is calling you home as you tightrope walk the rice paddy ledges… COME ON May! Girl, you ran a ½ marathon right before needing hip replacement… you can suck it up again!
Pain is weakness leaving your body, right?
All that panic, anxiety, and insomnia that suddenly overtakes you as you are uncannily jolted awake at 3 AM on the dot… EVERY SINGLE NIGHT… it’s got to be stress… or the Florida heat… or the bazillion-dollar new mattress’s fault.
For so many of us who are private, it can feel shameful to share our struggles. We look at what the person next door or on Instagram is going through and assume, yep it’s gotta be my hormones still out of whack! Or, “I’m stressed from the last 3 years of my whirlwind life.”
People fear sounding like a hypochondriac, so we look for other reasons to deny that something serious is at the root of this.
Searching Everywhere for Answers
My spiritual self was not convinced (as others in our home group were) that I had a lot of spiritual forces attacking me and issues with loss and grief to work through.
Not convinced 100% that this was the problem, I signed up for a Mel Robbins course in “finding a purpose and working through a new goal,” which was an educational distraction but difficult to complete since my physical body and mind were still unraveling.
I would feebly scroll through FB and IG again for answers. Can you guess what kept popping up in the forefront as the new trending explanation for all female root causes?
Yep, FOR SURE it’s peri/menopause if you’re a woman over the age of 40. Isn’t EVERY symptom related to hormonal decline???
What happened next triggered a huge mess and a cascade of more problems as that became the focus. We messed with my hormones so much, and I was a human guinea pig for so many months that I believe I deserve a credentialing certification and honorary PhD in HRT management, dosing, formulations, and prescribing.
Physicians or health practitioners whose job it is to treat patients become afraid of being “judged” for the inability to self-diagnose their OWN health issues because with our background, education, and experience… shouldn’t we be able to figure ourselves out?
The Endless Medical Rabbit Trails
Sadly, and more commonly, many people suffering end up bouncing from doctor to doctor.
The list is endless: traditional physician, naturopath, spiritual counsellor, psychiatrist, try some Chinese medicine, fill the cupboard and your body with concoctions of supplements and tinctures. Don’t forget the mandatory hormone specialist, the IV Drip bar, grounding in the morning sunlight doing yoga while sipping clean water… and of course Joe Dispenza’s book on channeling your energy for healing.
We get led down bunny trails by chasing hereditary family history problems, cancer workups, and expensive blood tests for every vitamin deficiency or the elusive Lyme and mold toxins.
And along the way, what ALWAYS will happen is that you find some crap that IS abnormal and start down a new bunny trail and get distracted with that problem, hoping THAT becomes the answer to everything…
The Breaking Point
This endless circus keeps going. Rarely can someone keep up this journey with a smile on their face and grit and determination in their attitude.
People like me with MCAS often suffer SEVERE bouts of episodic, unpredictable anxiety that leave you paralyzed for minutes to hours. It happens especially in the middle of the night, causing endless insomnia which compounds the problem.
Sleep deprivation, underlying panic, heart rate changes related to vagus nerve dysregulation and dysautonomia with your nervous system going haywire. I became just as much a mental wreck as I did a physical one.
The promises of HRT being helpful therapy or cure actually compounded the problem as estrogen and changing hormone doses add fuel to the fire by causing a histamine cascade and mast cells to release other chemicals that precipitate symptoms that affect multiple systems from brain, gut, skin, CV system, and more.
Faith in the Wilderness
I spent the last few years praying to God for clarity and answers. Why was He taking me through my own personal wilderness?
This was a desert of pain, fear, suffering, and health conditions all crescendoing. I became a recluse to our Florida lanai most days, praying, grounding, feeling the energy of the sun trying to heal my screaming mitochondria.
I was SO MAD at HIM.
God DID give me more than I could handle! Heck, if I knew it, how the HELL didn’t He?… (yep I said that to HIM).
I can openly share now that things became so desperate and I was so tired, that I wanted the Lord to just take me home on many difficult nights. On a few occasions, in my darkest hours, I tried to help HIM with completing that job.
I didn’t end up doing anything serious, and on all 3 occasions, divine intervention stepped in. We are surrounded by angels, even though we can’t see them visually. I have a couple of miraculous stories now that I will share in the near future!
This illness is serious, devastating, and I was spent mentally and spiritually.
March 2023
How did you not put 2 and 2 together for so long?
I remember the exact day this started, when I felt off and began feeling horrific. It was March 2023. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown.
My body was swollen, I had intermittent panic, and my face erupted like a teenage Clearasil commercial and I couldn’t sleep, focus, and my body vibrated uncontrollably. I hit the floor in tears.
Maybe I need to buy myself a Corvette? Isn’t that what men did?
(Note to readers: yes my husband owns 2 currently, however he is the most stable person I know… So clearly we were not needing a 3rd in the collection.)
I didn’t have Covid right before that, I hadn’t been sick, but I HAD gone through a long list of stressful events physically and emotionally. Hip replacement, work changes, moving out of our home, family issues, another surgery around the corner…
The last Covid illness I had suspected I had was mild and was a year prior (I did get the dreaded Covid toe but had a bad cold otherwise). When all my life and health started spiraling… Covid was the last thing from the timeline or our minds.
Planted, Not Buried
I have always believed there is a season for EVERYTHING, and that God is doing something HUGE when we are in these darkest times.
I had been there before in my teens and young adult life. My faith was tested as I tired in the waiting. I had prayer partners, prayer chains, scripture verses, and encouragement from friends that kept me going. Most of all, a husband that stood by me through the “worst” as we vowed and was there for me even though I know he felt so helpless many days and nights.
The chain of events that finally unfolded is a perfect path when I look back on everything, but you can’t see the end of the tunnel when you are back in the darkest part of the twisty tunnel. God works that way ALL the time!
More to come on the story that has changed my physical health and even more so my spiritual walk. Spike is NOT going to win!
Gotta run and take a pile of supplements, and shut down the electronics and blue light, a few of the many lifestyle changes I made. I would say “cheers” for now, however alcohol has been evicted from my life as well, so it’s tea cups clinking our toast to your faithfulness to this end…
See you soon!
May
“Sometimes when you’re in a dark place you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted.”
— Christine Caine
Sometimes the wilderness changes you.
May is finally sharing the full story behind her health battle, the search for answers, and what helped her begin feeling like herself again after 3 years.
HERE’S THE STORY ⬇️
— PART 1 —
📺 Video:
https://rumble.com/v738bs2-long-covid-histamine-hell-and-spike-protein-levels-our-fight-begins.html
— PART 2 —